Dear 3620,
Today is September 19th, International Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day! Are you really as excited as I am? Are you excited enough, 3620, to send me a text message at 6:30 a.m. Central Time, 7:30 a.m. Eastern Time, to remind me? Well, good!
Well, listen, as much as I support anything that has Dave Barry's Official Stamp Of Approval, in actuality, I really don't care at all. I'm not going to talk like a pirate, today, or any other day.
Sending a text message at 7:30 in the morning is socially inappropriate, I think everyone can agree on that. You woke me up to read some text message from a complete stranger. Don't be stupid.
Sending a text message to someone who isn't actually your friend at 7:30 a.m. is socially inappropriate. Sending a text message to someone who didn't even know you existed until he started getting your text messages at 6:30 a.m. is just straight-up stupid. I've called you stupid twice so far, so pay attention, moron. You'd think the first time I told you I wasn't your friend Lauren Christov, you'd pay attention and get her number right.
3620, I'm not your friend. I'm not Lauren Christov. Stop sending me her text messages. Get her damn number right and call her and talk to her. Stop texting me! Stop it right now!
I wish there were some better way I could tell you to stop, but when I call you, you probably don't answer the number because you don't know whose number it is. (Funny how that works, isn't it?) And on top of that, when I leave you a message, I can't understand what you're saying. Your message sounds like you're trying to be funny or something, but it sounds like you're doing a bad impression of a muppet.
Stop leaving me text messages, I don't like them. I've even gotten her telemarketers! AUGH!
~5412
PS-
3620, if I actually do know you, and you actually are my friend, call me. (Don't text me.)
4 comments:
Your cell phone number must have been recycled. When I first got my phone, I kept on getting calls for whoever had my number before I had it. After a month or two it dies off. Did you hear about that girl in California who got Paris Hilton's old cell phone number? See, it could be worse.
I guess I'll never get a cell phone! It's almost as bad as getting calls for someone named Peanut at 2:30 in the morning . ..
Who are these Broadwe people?
Blogger told me that I was currently posting as cbroadwe, which I thought was a little weird since I don't have a blogger account, but I figured I would just go with it.
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